that boring cold state full of rednecks

I know what you’re thinking, why would you want to live in that state? Well, I am here to tell you why.  Just imagine this.  You arrive at your new house to see the ever famous sold sign.  I can bet my bottom dollar that you are going to take a picture next to that sign, but make sure that you smile big and say cheese, because you just moved into your beautiful new house in central Wisconsin!

Why would you want to move to Wisconsin? Well, my friend, I have just the answer you’re looking for.  I know you think that Wisconsin is a boring, cold state with nothing to do, but think again!

You should move to Wisconsin because…….

CHEESE!

You can get the freshest and best cheese from the cheese factory that’s right down the street from your house, no matter where you live. 

Oh, you’re lactose intolerant? That’s okay! You don’t have to eat the cheese, you can just look at it!

At almost any town festival you will find a cheese carving competition!

Did I just hear you correctly? You think that lady, who is obviously made out of cheese, is attractive? Well you are going to love the women in Wisconsin.  Not only are they beautiful, but most of them know how to milk a cow, change a tire, and prepare a giant feast.  You can find a perfect hunting partner in Wisconsin!

Ahhh, you think that there is no place to meet these women because of all of the fields and woods, don’t you? Well, I’m sorry but you’re wrong. 

Wisconsinites have a great social life.  You want an example now don't you? Hmmm, well in my town my graduating class was mere 49 people.  My town and all of the towns surrounding me had very tight knit communities.   There are always games (Wisconsinites are huge sports fans, Go Pack Go!), festivals, and parks for you to go to.

I see you finished your beer.  Let me get you another one, and I have you know that Wisconsin has plenty of bars.  The small and common tiny Wisconsin town that I live in only has 981 people inhabiting it.  Our main street is about three blocks long and consists of a bank, a grocery store, the post office, a gas station, a cheese factory, and five bars.  You seem shocked! Yes, I know, the small Wisconsin towns are the ideal places to bar hop!

And since you’ll know practically everybody in your town, you can always count on somebody to drive you home from a night of fun so you can curl up in your bed and enjoy a nice glass of milk. 

You’re still caught up on the snow? Let me tell you something.  It’s beautiful! Since Wisconsin has all four seasons there is always something for you to do. You can go boating, fishing, and hiking in the summer.  When it starts to snow you can switch over to snowmobiling, ice fishing, snowboarding, or whatever your little heart desires. 

You'll also master driving on roads that look like this.

Just listen to me for a second, okay? I know like Wisconsin sounds like an awful place to live, but it’s a great place to find a close community and there is always something to do. 

What I’m trying to say is that things aren't always as bad as they seem.  Wisconsin isn't a frozen tundra with zero life, it’s a place to be adventurous. 

I hope I convinced you about how great Wisconsin is! And yes, I can teach you how to say ‘bag’ and ‘flag’ properly so that you fit in with your soon to be fellow Wisconsinites.  

why it's okay to be single

IT'S REALLY OKAY TO BE SINGLE AND YOU GUYS WON'T UNDERSTAND THIS UNLESS I YELL AT YOU SO THIS IS ME YELLING AT YOU.

written by Kia Lechleitner

[Editor's note: Kia is a professional single who specializes in being super single]


BREAKING NEWS: A horrible disease has broken out.  It is detrimental and most common in teenagers and young adults.  In the scientific community this horrifying disease is also known as thinkingthattheonlythinginlifethatmattersishavingasignificantother and it must be stopped immediately.

You don't need a significant other because:

1) You have too many other things to worry about

Why would you want to waste your time worrying about what your significant other is thinking or doing or what he/she wants for Christmas? I mean come on, you have more important things to worry about.  Your future, your homework, your friends and family, and your favorite show on Netflix all demand your time.  THOSE are the things you should worry about.

2) You can make single jokes

Why wouldn't you grasp another opportunity to try to attempt to be funny?

3) You learn a lot about yourself

Why spend time with your love when you could be spending your time doing much better things.  You could focus on your academics (your homework will never leave you, unlike your special someone), write in your journal, or most importantly, finally clean out the lint from your belly button!!! It doesn't matter what you do as long as it focuses on YOU.  At this age you should be worrying about pleasing yourself and making yourself better (and obviously working on your personal hygiene).

4) You won't get a sore neck

I hate those sore necks that no Advil can help.  You know what can help that neck ache of yours? IF YOU PUT DOWN THE GOSH DARN PHONE.  Stop stressing over whether or not your "boo" is going to text you back and instead live your life (without neck pain).

5) You won't have to be called outrageous names

I don't know about you, but I don't want to be remotely related to any bear, pie, or most importantly, poo.  When you are single you don't have to worry about being called their teddy bear, cutie pie, or sweetie poo (unless you have an overly affectionate grandmother). Most importantly, you are ten times more likely to not be called the infamous "bae".  I mean, I know bacon and eggs are awesome but I thought I was a little better than that.

Don't you hate it when your breakfast is prettier than you?

6) They say love happens when you least expect it

If you sit around waiting to fall in love it's not going to happen.  Instead, enjoy your life.  If it's meant to be the right person will come around and sweep you off your feet when you least expect it.  (I'm totally not expecting it so if you're single and ready to mingle hit me up).

7) If you have a significant other they might bring you flowers

This might not sound like a bad thing, BUT BE WARNED.  You might be deathly allergic to the flowers you get.  And nobody wants to end up suffering from an allergic reaction and dying from the flowers that their special somebody got them. Best way to stop this from happening? Stay single.

I hope you enjoy this awful poem
You're amazing on your own
So to the person you're obsessed with, say goodbye!
After all, nobody wants to get flowers and then die

I'm Actually Not A Car

I was blessed with being named after a car. No really, I'm dead serious.  I love my name.  It's so common in the motor industry world, yet not very common as an actual human name.  I also find it very pretty, if I can get passed the jokes.  I don't know how many times I've been watching t.v. with my family when a commercial to "trade in your Kia now for a brand new car!" has come on.  Having three brothers, you can just imagine all of the crap that I get.

Surprisingly, I often forget that I have the same name as a car.  It's not until I tell somebody my name for the first time that I get the ever so common, "Oh, like the car?!" response.

In my head I'm just like:

But I can't help but laugh because I know that is exactly what I would say if I was in their shoes.   And in all honestly, I don't mind being asked that every single time I meet someone because it means that every single time I meet somebody I will get a good laugh!

More importantly, it's my name and I love it. It's so common yet so unique.  And most importantly, it helps with my online identity.  If you search my first name on Google without knowing how to spell my last name (and this is pretty much everybody since I'm guessing that some of you aren't even sure how to pronounce Lechleitner) all you will get is a bunch of deals on the newest Kia!

 I mean, I wouldn't pass up the great offers if I were you, but if you happen to search my last name as well I'm still super easy to find.  I think this is wonderful since not everything I do online will be easily found, but when need be it won't take somebody hours to find me.



Now, if you happen to spell my last name correctly, what will you find?  And more importantly, what will you think about me?

My Twitter and Facebook seem like any normal account.  I retweet funny, sad, and inspirational tweets.  As for Facebook my use is very limited.  Pictures speak a thousand words, so let's focus on Instagram.  I first started using Instagram a little over a year ago.  Today it is something that I check daily, almost like the newspaper.

As you can see in the picture on the left, I have my twitter name in the bio of my Instagram.  So if you found me on Instagram you could easily find me on Twitter.  Looking through all of my Instagram posts I noticed that I tend to use humor in a lot of my pictures.

I'm notorious for bad puns.

I also enjoy making fun of myself frequently.

Aside from the humor I use, I also have some pretty cool posts, but I might be just a little bit biased. 

Because I may or may not be biased I asked for help from my friends.  

You have to like your friends for being completely honest.  I know I'm a little weird. I mean heck, we all know that there's something strange about me.  I'm just happy that my personality shines through in my use online.  If somebody would ever know how to spell my name correctly when they searched for me then they would definitely be able to see who I am.

Average Blog Post

As most of you probably already know, Twitter is very popular among young adults.  It can help people spread news or share their religious, social, and political views.  I'd like to say my primary use for twitter is to spread my beliefs and learn about the world, but in all honesty I'm a shallow person because I just use it for a good laugh.  But in order to have a funny timeline you need to follow the right accounts. One of the accounts that I follow is called Average Life Goals.

As you can see, this account is very popular.

Average Life Goals, or @AverageGoal, is an account that focuses on......wait for it.....average life goals.  If you're a big player in the social media game then you're aware of the trend of #goals.  People are always posting pictures of what they dream to have one day. 

While I think having goals is a good thing, I personally prefer to have goals that I can actually achieve.

For one, you won't find me in the gym.

Sorry, but I'd prefer not to break his back.

If you search Twitter for #goals you will find anything and everything from relationship, travel, house, and car goals.  The Average Goals account mainly focuses on the house and car goals, making fun of what other people might actually consider to be one of their goals in life.  I think that having a BMW is a lofty goal for myself, but nobody makes fun of my goals.  Somebody coming from a less wealthy background might actually have a lofty goal of owning a 2002 White Kia Spectra, so why is it okay to make fun of their goals? 

Likewise, somebody who might be struggling to make ends meet might be lucky to just have a cell phone plan, even if their phone isn't the newest iPhone.  

By the use of humor the Average Goals account ends up normalizing the degradation of impoverished people.

Victoria's Secret is Out

Kia Lechleitner Presents:

Victoria's Secret is Out: Equality Doesn't Exist

A film about Kia arguing with Shulamith

Script by Kia Lechleitner
Produced by Kia Lechleitner
Directed by Kia Lechleitner
Filmed by Kia Lechleitner
Kia Lechleitner played by Kia Lechleitner
Shulamith played by Salomon Nevarro

A special thanks to my co-star Sal, the only person that was awake and willing to help me at one in the morning.  I would also like to use part of my fifteen minutes of fame to thank KT for helping me figure out all of the technological details.

Click on the link above to watch the video if you're lazy and don't want to read!

SETTING: Kia and Shulamith are watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.  Shulamith has time traveled into today's society in order to argue with Kia about sex distinctions and gender roles when it comes to equality.

Me: Shulamith I love your new haircut! (Touch Shulamith’s hair)

Shulamith: Thank you!

Me: Oh my gosh, I wish I was a VS angel.

Shulamith: Ugh, why?

Me: Because look, their bodies are peeeerrfect!

Shulamith: You want to be judged by your body and breasts? Breasts shouldn’t matter.  Sex distinction at all shouldn’t matter.

Me: Wait a second, what?

Shulamith: The only way we will ever be equal is if we eliminate the emphasis of genital differences in today’s society. 

Me: Hold up, we are pretty much equal.  I mean, look, we have jobs!

Shulamith: If we were “pretty much equal” (make air quotes with hands) we would have more representation in everything.  There are still many things, even small things, that need to be made equal. Until everything is equal, you can never say that we are equal.

Me: Okay equal…..Likkkkkkeee?

Shulamith: Well, take condoms for example.  (Whoever plays character me cringes) Condoms are easily accessible. You can find them in public bathroom dispensers, gas stations, and stores across the nation.  Is it the same for birth control? Birth control isn’t as nearly accessible.  If we want women to be equal we need to give them the opportunity to take care of themselves.

Me: I mean I’d like to think I take care of myself, I mean if I’m not taking care of my kids. (giggles)

Shulamith: Why are we expected to take care of children?

Me: I mean my husband helps out with the kids a lot.

Shulamith: You’re missing the point.  Ever since you were little society has been telling you that you need to get married and you need to have kids. We need to get rid of all gender roles. Duties and chores, like cooking and cleaning, should be equally distributed.  The male shouldn’t rule over the female.  Why is it the women’s burden of bringing life into this world?

Me: That’s just the way it is.

Shulamith: No, that’s just the way it’s been, it doesn’t have to be like that.

Me: But I feel like that’s what makes a family, a family. 

Shulamith: Families are just another way that women are taught to be submissive.

Me: I mean, in my family my mom and dad were pretty much equal.  But that’s not the case for you..

Shulamith: Exactly.  Although there is some equality in this world we are far from total equality.  The only way that is attainable is if we eliminate sex distinction.

Me: I mean, that seems kind of farfetched, but I guess get what you’re saying.

Shulamith: A person is a person, it shouldn’t matter whether they have a penis or a vagina. Am I right ladies?

Me: But I still wish I had the body of a victoria’s secret model. Look at her go! 

7 Struggles of Living with Brothers

          

      This may look like a happy sibling photo, but be warned. About .364 seconds after this photo was snapped they dropped me in a collaborative effort to embarrass me.  This is just one of the many struggles that I face every single day living with three brothers.     

1) you have to sit in the middle seat of the car

Having brothers that are bigger than you can come in handy when you need to reach something on the top shelf, but trying to pack all of that height into one car is not pleasant.  If you’re the only girl you know the struggle of having to sit in the middle seat of the car simply because you are smaller.  Having giant, hairy legs pressed up against you from either side doesn't seem like that big of an inconvenience until you become the physical barrier in one of their fights.

2) you can't ever take a decent picture

Your brothers will very rarely take a good picture.  For one, they hate pictures.  Pressuring them to take a picture with you won't do you any good because they will try to embarrass you in any way possible.  After all, it is their duty.

3) you can't leave your beauty supplies out

In a household where men rule the world it is not uncommon for them to get upset when you leave your hair products or makeup on the counter.  It’s best to always put your stuff away so that you don’t hear your brothers whine about how much stuff you have and how it’s all pointless.

4) you were raised to be violent

The only way that you could survive in your household was to use violence. Growing up you used violence to show your brothers that you deserve to be treated like them.  Nothing was better than hearing how tough you were, but coming close to beating them in a wrestling match was priceless.  

5) you don't know what a "lady" is

 Acting like a lady isn’t something you’re used to doing.  You grew up playing football and wrestling in the mud, not playing with Barbie dolls. No matter how much you change appearance when you grow up, you will always have that inner tomboy inside of you.

6) you don't always feel like you fit in

This one is especially true for the girls that grew up with only brothers.  No matter how hard you try to bond with your brothers, you will never share the same connection that your brothers share.
Sometimes they exclude you simply because you have a different sex organ.

7) you're constantly asking "what's that smell?"

Unless you have no sense of smell, you have been tortured by the smell of your brothers’ feet, sweat, and farts.  Nothing beats the fond memory of your brothers chasing you around the house and threatening to fart in your face.  Oh, and what would you do without your brothers farting IN PUBLIC and blaming it on you?  But since your brothers helped familiarize you with the different bodily functions you quickly learned that "silent but deadly" actually means "leave the room immediately unless you want to suffocate in stench".

Even though there are a lot of struggles that come with having brothers, there are a lot of benefits as well.  They joke around with the best intentions and will always be there to support and encourage you.   You just have to put up with the jokes and farts long enough for them to realize how much they really do love you.

Stop Focusing on Appearance

Take a look at the young man in this picture and tell me what you see.  How would you describe him to somebody else?  Be completely honest.  I can bet that you most likely didn't notice the kindness showing in his eyes or the happiness showing through his beaming smile.  Or, since I’m no mind reader, maybe you did.  If that’s the case I might as well pack up my bags and call it quits because then I’d have no argument.  But I’m going to go out on a limb here and make the assumption that one of the first things that popped into your head, even if you pushed it away, was the word ‘black’ or ‘dreads’.  

Now it’s my turn to be completely honest with you.  When I first met Caleb I described him to my friends in what I thought was the most politically and socially respectable manner.  I said that he is an African American male with dreadlocks.  Looking back I realized that that statement didn’t really respect him at all.  I defined him by the color of his skin, not by the type of person he is.  I described how his hair looked, not by how good of a friend he was. 

I was sitting there thinking about how bad of a person I was when I realized that if I didn’t mention these things to my friends they would’ve surely asked what he looked like.  How people look is always on our minds.  For example, let’s just pretend that I were to go on a date (emphasis on the pretend).  I can almost guarantee you that the first thing that my friends would ask me is if he was cute.   I’m not saying that my friends are bad people for asking about his appearance.  I’m saying that it seems to be on the forefront of society’s hidden ideals.  In all reality, why does it matter what this boy looks like?  If a boy loved me (still playing make believe here) and I loved him I would hope that our love for one another wasn’t based on our appearances.  If that were the case his love for me would surely start to disappear as soon as I start sagging in all of the wrong places.   Aside from the regular users of botox, almost everybody is going to age.  When the attractiveness of a person starts to dwindle away you are left with what truly matters, the character of that person. 

In today’s society Caleb is often seen or referred to as a black man with dreads.  It is not until people look past his appearance that he is described as a very intelligent and caring gentleman.  Just the other day Caleb was telling me that his biggest dream is to become an anesthesiologist, dreads and all.  Although it may be harder for him to get this job with his dreads, Caleb truly understands that appearance can never measure up to the positive traits a person has.  I hope that one day as a society we will stop seeing people’s looks and start seeing people’s character.

Caleb isn't just a "black man with dreads".  He is funny.  He is sweet.  He is one of my best friends.