why it's okay to be single

IT'S REALLY OKAY TO BE SINGLE AND YOU GUYS WON'T UNDERSTAND THIS UNLESS I YELL AT YOU SO THIS IS ME YELLING AT YOU.

written by Kia Lechleitner

[Editor's note: Kia is a professional single who specializes in being super single]


BREAKING NEWS: A horrible disease has broken out.  It is detrimental and most common in teenagers and young adults.  In the scientific community this horrifying disease is also known as thinkingthattheonlythinginlifethatmattersishavingasignificantother and it must be stopped immediately.

You don't need a significant other because:

1) You have too many other things to worry about

Why would you want to waste your time worrying about what your significant other is thinking or doing or what he/she wants for Christmas? I mean come on, you have more important things to worry about.  Your future, your homework, your friends and family, and your favorite show on Netflix all demand your time.  THOSE are the things you should worry about.

2) You can make single jokes

Why wouldn't you grasp another opportunity to try to attempt to be funny?

3) You learn a lot about yourself

Why spend time with your love when you could be spending your time doing much better things.  You could focus on your academics (your homework will never leave you, unlike your special someone), write in your journal, or most importantly, finally clean out the lint from your belly button!!! It doesn't matter what you do as long as it focuses on YOU.  At this age you should be worrying about pleasing yourself and making yourself better (and obviously working on your personal hygiene).

4) You won't get a sore neck

I hate those sore necks that no Advil can help.  You know what can help that neck ache of yours? IF YOU PUT DOWN THE GOSH DARN PHONE.  Stop stressing over whether or not your "boo" is going to text you back and instead live your life (without neck pain).

5) You won't have to be called outrageous names

I don't know about you, but I don't want to be remotely related to any bear, pie, or most importantly, poo.  When you are single you don't have to worry about being called their teddy bear, cutie pie, or sweetie poo (unless you have an overly affectionate grandmother). Most importantly, you are ten times more likely to not be called the infamous "bae".  I mean, I know bacon and eggs are awesome but I thought I was a little better than that.

Don't you hate it when your breakfast is prettier than you?

6) They say love happens when you least expect it

If you sit around waiting to fall in love it's not going to happen.  Instead, enjoy your life.  If it's meant to be the right person will come around and sweep you off your feet when you least expect it.  (I'm totally not expecting it so if you're single and ready to mingle hit me up).

7) If you have a significant other they might bring you flowers

This might not sound like a bad thing, BUT BE WARNED.  You might be deathly allergic to the flowers you get.  And nobody wants to end up suffering from an allergic reaction and dying from the flowers that their special somebody got them. Best way to stop this from happening? Stay single.

I hope you enjoy this awful poem
You're amazing on your own
So to the person you're obsessed with, say goodbye!
After all, nobody wants to get flowers and then die