that boring cold state full of rednecks

I know what you’re thinking, why would you want to live in that state? Well, I am here to tell you why.  Just imagine this.  You arrive at your new house to see the ever famous sold sign.  I can bet my bottom dollar that you are going to take a picture next to that sign, but make sure that you smile big and say cheese, because you just moved into your beautiful new house in central Wisconsin!

Why would you want to move to Wisconsin? Well, my friend, I have just the answer you’re looking for.  I know you think that Wisconsin is a boring, cold state with nothing to do, but think again!

You should move to Wisconsin because…….

CHEESE!

You can get the freshest and best cheese from the cheese factory that’s right down the street from your house, no matter where you live. 

Oh, you’re lactose intolerant? That’s okay! You don’t have to eat the cheese, you can just look at it!

At almost any town festival you will find a cheese carving competition!

Did I just hear you correctly? You think that lady, who is obviously made out of cheese, is attractive? Well you are going to love the women in Wisconsin.  Not only are they beautiful, but most of them know how to milk a cow, change a tire, and prepare a giant feast.  You can find a perfect hunting partner in Wisconsin!

Ahhh, you think that there is no place to meet these women because of all of the fields and woods, don’t you? Well, I’m sorry but you’re wrong. 

Wisconsinites have a great social life.  You want an example now don't you? Hmmm, well in my town my graduating class was mere 49 people.  My town and all of the towns surrounding me had very tight knit communities.   There are always games (Wisconsinites are huge sports fans, Go Pack Go!), festivals, and parks for you to go to.

I see you finished your beer.  Let me get you another one, and I have you know that Wisconsin has plenty of bars.  The small and common tiny Wisconsin town that I live in only has 981 people inhabiting it.  Our main street is about three blocks long and consists of a bank, a grocery store, the post office, a gas station, a cheese factory, and five bars.  You seem shocked! Yes, I know, the small Wisconsin towns are the ideal places to bar hop!

And since you’ll know practically everybody in your town, you can always count on somebody to drive you home from a night of fun so you can curl up in your bed and enjoy a nice glass of milk. 

You’re still caught up on the snow? Let me tell you something.  It’s beautiful! Since Wisconsin has all four seasons there is always something for you to do. You can go boating, fishing, and hiking in the summer.  When it starts to snow you can switch over to snowmobiling, ice fishing, snowboarding, or whatever your little heart desires. 

You'll also master driving on roads that look like this.

Just listen to me for a second, okay? I know like Wisconsin sounds like an awful place to live, but it’s a great place to find a close community and there is always something to do. 

What I’m trying to say is that things aren't always as bad as they seem.  Wisconsin isn't a frozen tundra with zero life, it’s a place to be adventurous. 

I hope I convinced you about how great Wisconsin is! And yes, I can teach you how to say ‘bag’ and ‘flag’ properly so that you fit in with your soon to be fellow Wisconsinites.