Stop Focusing on Appearance

Take a look at the young man in this picture and tell me what you see.  How would you describe him to somebody else?  Be completely honest.  I can bet that you most likely didn't notice the kindness showing in his eyes or the happiness showing through his beaming smile.  Or, since I’m no mind reader, maybe you did.  If that’s the case I might as well pack up my bags and call it quits because then I’d have no argument.  But I’m going to go out on a limb here and make the assumption that one of the first things that popped into your head, even if you pushed it away, was the word ‘black’ or ‘dreads’.  

Now it’s my turn to be completely honest with you.  When I first met Caleb I described him to my friends in what I thought was the most politically and socially respectable manner.  I said that he is an African American male with dreadlocks.  Looking back I realized that that statement didn’t really respect him at all.  I defined him by the color of his skin, not by the type of person he is.  I described how his hair looked, not by how good of a friend he was. 

I was sitting there thinking about how bad of a person I was when I realized that if I didn’t mention these things to my friends they would’ve surely asked what he looked like.  How people look is always on our minds.  For example, let’s just pretend that I were to go on a date (emphasis on the pretend).  I can almost guarantee you that the first thing that my friends would ask me is if he was cute.   I’m not saying that my friends are bad people for asking about his appearance.  I’m saying that it seems to be on the forefront of society’s hidden ideals.  In all reality, why does it matter what this boy looks like?  If a boy loved me (still playing make believe here) and I loved him I would hope that our love for one another wasn’t based on our appearances.  If that were the case his love for me would surely start to disappear as soon as I start sagging in all of the wrong places.   Aside from the regular users of botox, almost everybody is going to age.  When the attractiveness of a person starts to dwindle away you are left with what truly matters, the character of that person. 

In today’s society Caleb is often seen or referred to as a black man with dreads.  It is not until people look past his appearance that he is described as a very intelligent and caring gentleman.  Just the other day Caleb was telling me that his biggest dream is to become an anesthesiologist, dreads and all.  Although it may be harder for him to get this job with his dreads, Caleb truly understands that appearance can never measure up to the positive traits a person has.  I hope that one day as a society we will stop seeing people’s looks and start seeing people’s character.

Caleb isn't just a "black man with dreads".  He is funny.  He is sweet.  He is one of my best friends.