Victoria's Secret is Out

Kia Lechleitner Presents:

Victoria's Secret is Out: Equality Doesn't Exist

A film about Kia arguing with Shulamith

Script by Kia Lechleitner
Produced by Kia Lechleitner
Directed by Kia Lechleitner
Filmed by Kia Lechleitner
Kia Lechleitner played by Kia Lechleitner
Shulamith played by Salomon Nevarro

A special thanks to my co-star Sal, the only person that was awake and willing to help me at one in the morning.  I would also like to use part of my fifteen minutes of fame to thank KT for helping me figure out all of the technological details.

Click on the link above to watch the video if you're lazy and don't want to read!

SETTING: Kia and Shulamith are watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.  Shulamith has time traveled into today's society in order to argue with Kia about sex distinctions and gender roles when it comes to equality.

Me: Shulamith I love your new haircut! (Touch Shulamith’s hair)

Shulamith: Thank you!

Me: Oh my gosh, I wish I was a VS angel.

Shulamith: Ugh, why?

Me: Because look, their bodies are peeeerrfect!

Shulamith: You want to be judged by your body and breasts? Breasts shouldn’t matter.  Sex distinction at all shouldn’t matter.

Me: Wait a second, what?

Shulamith: The only way we will ever be equal is if we eliminate the emphasis of genital differences in today’s society. 

Me: Hold up, we are pretty much equal.  I mean, look, we have jobs!

Shulamith: If we were “pretty much equal” (make air quotes with hands) we would have more representation in everything.  There are still many things, even small things, that need to be made equal. Until everything is equal, you can never say that we are equal.

Me: Okay equal…..Likkkkkkeee?

Shulamith: Well, take condoms for example.  (Whoever plays character me cringes) Condoms are easily accessible. You can find them in public bathroom dispensers, gas stations, and stores across the nation.  Is it the same for birth control? Birth control isn’t as nearly accessible.  If we want women to be equal we need to give them the opportunity to take care of themselves.

Me: I mean I’d like to think I take care of myself, I mean if I’m not taking care of my kids. (giggles)

Shulamith: Why are we expected to take care of children?

Me: I mean my husband helps out with the kids a lot.

Shulamith: You’re missing the point.  Ever since you were little society has been telling you that you need to get married and you need to have kids. We need to get rid of all gender roles. Duties and chores, like cooking and cleaning, should be equally distributed.  The male shouldn’t rule over the female.  Why is it the women’s burden of bringing life into this world?

Me: That’s just the way it is.

Shulamith: No, that’s just the way it’s been, it doesn’t have to be like that.

Me: But I feel like that’s what makes a family, a family. 

Shulamith: Families are just another way that women are taught to be submissive.

Me: I mean, in my family my mom and dad were pretty much equal.  But that’s not the case for you..

Shulamith: Exactly.  Although there is some equality in this world we are far from total equality.  The only way that is attainable is if we eliminate sex distinction.

Me: I mean, that seems kind of farfetched, but I guess get what you’re saying.

Shulamith: A person is a person, it shouldn’t matter whether they have a penis or a vagina. Am I right ladies?

Me: But I still wish I had the body of a victoria’s secret model. Look at her go! 

7 Struggles of Living with Brothers

          

      This may look like a happy sibling photo, but be warned. About .364 seconds after this photo was snapped they dropped me in a collaborative effort to embarrass me.  This is just one of the many struggles that I face every single day living with three brothers.     

1) you have to sit in the middle seat of the car

Having brothers that are bigger than you can come in handy when you need to reach something on the top shelf, but trying to pack all of that height into one car is not pleasant.  If you’re the only girl you know the struggle of having to sit in the middle seat of the car simply because you are smaller.  Having giant, hairy legs pressed up against you from either side doesn't seem like that big of an inconvenience until you become the physical barrier in one of their fights.

2) you can't ever take a decent picture

Your brothers will very rarely take a good picture.  For one, they hate pictures.  Pressuring them to take a picture with you won't do you any good because they will try to embarrass you in any way possible.  After all, it is their duty.

3) you can't leave your beauty supplies out

In a household where men rule the world it is not uncommon for them to get upset when you leave your hair products or makeup on the counter.  It’s best to always put your stuff away so that you don’t hear your brothers whine about how much stuff you have and how it’s all pointless.

4) you were raised to be violent

The only way that you could survive in your household was to use violence. Growing up you used violence to show your brothers that you deserve to be treated like them.  Nothing was better than hearing how tough you were, but coming close to beating them in a wrestling match was priceless.  

5) you don't know what a "lady" is

 Acting like a lady isn’t something you’re used to doing.  You grew up playing football and wrestling in the mud, not playing with Barbie dolls. No matter how much you change appearance when you grow up, you will always have that inner tomboy inside of you.

6) you don't always feel like you fit in

This one is especially true for the girls that grew up with only brothers.  No matter how hard you try to bond with your brothers, you will never share the same connection that your brothers share.
Sometimes they exclude you simply because you have a different sex organ.

7) you're constantly asking "what's that smell?"

Unless you have no sense of smell, you have been tortured by the smell of your brothers’ feet, sweat, and farts.  Nothing beats the fond memory of your brothers chasing you around the house and threatening to fart in your face.  Oh, and what would you do without your brothers farting IN PUBLIC and blaming it on you?  But since your brothers helped familiarize you with the different bodily functions you quickly learned that "silent but deadly" actually means "leave the room immediately unless you want to suffocate in stench".

Even though there are a lot of struggles that come with having brothers, there are a lot of benefits as well.  They joke around with the best intentions and will always be there to support and encourage you.   You just have to put up with the jokes and farts long enough for them to realize how much they really do love you.